I've just been doing something online and I was asked what category my blog comes under.
I don't even know. My only option anywhere near close to what I write about was a parenting blog.
I went all 'deer in headlights' and panicked at the thought of it. I'm definitely not to be idolised or listened to when it comes to my blogs, please take them with a pinch of salt.
This little task set off a train of thought about parenting blogs and the people that write them. The blogs I'm talking about are the ones with nanny 911 advice and recipes for dinners containing your entire 5-a-day, organic ingredients, magic chickens and an entire virgin vegan that has performed opera at the royal albert.
I could never compare to these people and sprinkle out advice about raising perfect children. But what I do have is a realistic stance when it comes to parenting. Experience of what happens when shit goes wrong and your child does not comply with perfect parent regulations.
I have endured enough tantrums and ruined enough recipes to write a solid Bible on how to survive the 'dark side'.
The main thing I want to reassure you with here is that sometimes, just sometimes, the naughty step doesn't bloody work. I have discovered this on several occasions.
No matter how many times you calmly place your child on the step, she just runs. Upstairs, under your legs, she's like a fucking greyhound.
So what the fuck do you do next?! Nothing, I say. This is the time when I just give up and go and find something less stressful to do. Fuck the naughty step.
The tantrum will soon cease without an audience and everyone will be friends again. Until you make lunch on the wrong coloured plate or you can't sing along to their freshly made up song because you don't know the words.
I'm sure if nanny 911 read this she would probably put me on the naughty step.
The other issue I have with the naughty step is that it's unreliable. It's never bloody there when I need it.
Tantrum in a shop? Where the fuck's the naughty step at?!
Today, Olivia is spending alot of time on the naughty step. However, she hasn't actually been naughty.
Apparently, her imaginary friend Fiona lives on the stairs and Olivia is visiting her and having the time of her life on the naughty step. So if Olivia decides to play up today I'm fucked.
I guess it boils down to the fact that some people have natural patience and some people don't (me, for example) and some people are lucky enough to have placid children who hardly ever see the naughty step.
I'm definitely not unlucky though. I adore Olivia's fire and attitude (most of the time). I hope that one day it will mould her into someone with the ability to make big changes.
Although she can be unruly and frustrating at times, Olivia has the biggest heart that I have ever had the pleasure of being touched by.
I am not, in any way, preaching that we should not discipline our children. I believe in balance.
Enough discipline that your child grows to learn right from wrong, but no so much that their fire is put out.
Sometimes I think we spend so much times obsessing over how to produce a perfect child that we don't stop to think about what kind of adult it will result in.
I want our future generations to question what they are being told to do and stand up if they believe it is wrong, not fall in line and keep quiet just because they're told to.
Raise leaders, not followers.
Kelsey x
Sunday, 5 June 2016
Thursday, 2 June 2016
Mummy's workout
I keep seeing videos of really fit mums with 2-3 kids, doing a workout that involves their kids. You know the ones I'm on about right? The ones where they do really cute things like squats with their kids or planks with the kids on their back.
First of all, the planks are really hard. Secondly, Olivia is a bit of a wrestling expert and she turns all hulk hogan on me as soon as I get into plank position.
So, at the moment, my home workouts are far from YouTube material.
Today's workout was a perfect example, so I've listed the steps of my workout that probably should have taken half the time :
- Spend 10 minutes clearing all the toys and picking up 2838595947 pencils that Olivia has sprinkled around, then listen to her break down because I tidied up her friends (the pencils)
- Spend a further 10 minutes hoovering the rug because Olivia has just charged in with a cup full of crushed Crisps, tripped on her own two feet and dropped them everywhere
- Area is finally ready. Pick up weights and attempt to start on your arms.
- 30 seconds into the workout Olivia announces that she needs a poo and she can't open the door. Open door and return to workout.
- 2 minutes later, Olivia comes into the room and announces that she has dropped her friend in the toilet. Go to bathroom to sort situation and discover that Olivia's friend is imaginary and there is nothing in the toilet that needs saving.
-Return to workout. What the fuck is that smell?!
Baby has shit. Lovely.
-Quickly change nappy and proceed to workout.
-Crunches! I'm pretty good at these! Get into position and start ploughing through them before I'm required elsewhere.
-Olivia starts climbing under my legs and saying "this is my tunnel. I am a rabbit and I live in a hole", followed by "Mummy your bum us really big and it's in the way of my rabbit bed".. Cheers babe 👍
-Finish crunches, start planking.
Plank for ten seconds, then experience your 3 year old complete a running seat-drop onto your back. Ouch. "Mummy your the dolphin and I'm the child!".
- Stand up, put weights away before someone trips and loses a toe.
- Turn around amd discover 3 year old drinking your water with a mouthful of mini cheddars. Water now looks like the river Thames.
-Make fresh water, sit down and decide to finish workout later when the girls are in bed.
Typically, the minute I sat down, Delilah fell asleep and Olivia went upstairs and started fighting monsters with her sword and sheild. So now I'm sat here in silence, with all the space in the world!
I'm going to see the positive in this though! I still fit a workout in regardless!
Sometimes, having kids is a bigger challenge than even 1000 crunches, but I try my fucking hardest and that's all that matters. Even if it means sharing my water after a mini cheddar attack.
Kelsey x
First of all, the planks are really hard. Secondly, Olivia is a bit of a wrestling expert and she turns all hulk hogan on me as soon as I get into plank position.
So, at the moment, my home workouts are far from YouTube material.
Today's workout was a perfect example, so I've listed the steps of my workout that probably should have taken half the time :
- Spend 10 minutes clearing all the toys and picking up 2838595947 pencils that Olivia has sprinkled around, then listen to her break down because I tidied up her friends (the pencils)
- Spend a further 10 minutes hoovering the rug because Olivia has just charged in with a cup full of crushed Crisps, tripped on her own two feet and dropped them everywhere
- Area is finally ready. Pick up weights and attempt to start on your arms.
- 30 seconds into the workout Olivia announces that she needs a poo and she can't open the door. Open door and return to workout.
- 2 minutes later, Olivia comes into the room and announces that she has dropped her friend in the toilet. Go to bathroom to sort situation and discover that Olivia's friend is imaginary and there is nothing in the toilet that needs saving.
-Return to workout. What the fuck is that smell?!
Baby has shit. Lovely.
-Quickly change nappy and proceed to workout.
-Crunches! I'm pretty good at these! Get into position and start ploughing through them before I'm required elsewhere.
-Olivia starts climbing under my legs and saying "this is my tunnel. I am a rabbit and I live in a hole", followed by "Mummy your bum us really big and it's in the way of my rabbit bed".. Cheers babe 👍
-Finish crunches, start planking.
Plank for ten seconds, then experience your 3 year old complete a running seat-drop onto your back. Ouch. "Mummy your the dolphin and I'm the child!".
- Stand up, put weights away before someone trips and loses a toe.
- Turn around amd discover 3 year old drinking your water with a mouthful of mini cheddars. Water now looks like the river Thames.
-Make fresh water, sit down and decide to finish workout later when the girls are in bed.
Typically, the minute I sat down, Delilah fell asleep and Olivia went upstairs and started fighting monsters with her sword and sheild. So now I'm sat here in silence, with all the space in the world!
I'm going to see the positive in this though! I still fit a workout in regardless!
Sometimes, having kids is a bigger challenge than even 1000 crunches, but I try my fucking hardest and that's all that matters. Even if it means sharing my water after a mini cheddar attack.
Kelsey x
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