I have sat and questioned whether or not I should write this, let alone publish it for others to read. Partly because it's not my usual bad mouthed blog about parenting quirks, and partly because it's very personal.
It's something that plays with my mind every day and leaves me questioning so much about myself.
This post is a plea. A plea to every parent reading this to never stop trying. Even when your child is 14 years old, full of attitude and belief that the world owes them a favour. Never, ever give up on them.
A childs mind is so fragile and confused, but their heart is so full of forgiveness and love. They should never be blamed or punished for abusive, neglectful or unstable relationships. This probably sounds obvious, but for those who have actually experienced this, it is far more damaging than you could ever imagine.
I look at people around me and I envy so much. I envy that they remember their teenage years. The crucial years that help define you. The years that were basically invented for rebellion, attitude and finding yourself as a person. I don't have a lot to remember, as these were the years that damaged me the most. The years that give reason to my social anxiety, my severe self hate, my fear of judgement and extreme need to make people like me and accept me.
I envy those who can relax, laugh and make eye contact with their close family.
It's impossible to tell what exactly defines a personality, and I hope and pray every day that my girls will grow to be good people. One thing I can be certain of is that if you love, understand and forgive more than you ever thought possible, every single day, your kids will learn to do the same. Be their idol, their support system and their biggest source of love. Be their teacher, carer and friend.
Never let them down and they will reward you later in life with the same gifts.
I have been let down, forgotten about and damaged by the people who are supposed to love me the most and this makes me question why every single day. One thing I can be certain of is that I have learnt from this. I have promised myself I will never let my girls feel unloved.
I spend a lot of time pretending that it doesn't matter to me that my past two birthdays have been forgotten, that I did not once get a message when I was sick and suffering in hospital or that I was blamed for a bad relationship. But honestly, it kills.
So this is my plea.
Don't blame your kids.
Even when their behaviour is out of control and they are being unreasonable beyond words. You can damage them more than you think.
Kelsey x
You write so beautifully Kelsey, and, because it's so obviously from the heart, it draws you in to the emotion of it all. Being so open with your feelings and exploration of your thoughts connects us (the readers) to your deepest pain and helps us relate that to our own experiences of the past.
ReplyDeleteYou have an amazing talent to genuinely help us explore our own perceived inadequacies and I imagine anyone reading your post here will want to reach out and congratulate you for learning from your past and applying what you learned to be the very best Mum you can be to your children.
You say it's impossible to tell what exactly defines your personality. I suggest no one should allow their past to define their future negatively, but do exactly what you have done, let what you learn enable you make reasoned choices of what the future should like.
You are a genuine inspiration to any parent Kelsey. This post is brave and authentic and you should be so proud of who you are and your ability to paint such a vivid picture through your words. Most people bury their emotions and views on life and end up embittered and full of blame. You, on the other hand, turn it all round and have the courage to share it with people so they can also learn. I envy your courage.
Keep writing Kelsey. If it helps even just one person to be half the parent you are, you will have made a massive impact on the future life of their children, and their children’s children…
This is so special, thank you xxx
ReplyDeleteThis is so special, thank you xxx
ReplyDelete